I’ve found that women are often expected to give up parts of themselves after entering motherhood. We’re pigeonholed into a world where we’re supposed to be innate nurturers who only care about our children, not ourselves.
For my 40th birthday, I wanted to follow my interests and passions and do something just for me. My goal was to avoid having to consider anyone else or alter my plans for the greater comfort and welfare of my family.
Rather than drag my three kids on an adventure that would ultimately turn into a trip that wasn’t about me at all, I left my brood at home and traveled to a Swiss mountain town. I wanted to hike with bell-clad cows, climb a via ferrata, and go kayaking. And I wanted to do it all alone. Alone, alone, alone.
I fought off mom guilt
I felt incredibly grateful that I was in a privileged position to make this choice in the first place. Many mothers are just trying to make ends meet, to survive, and planning an elaborate birthday romp across the Atlantic Ocean isn’t an option.
I was fortunate enough to have a husband who was willing and able to take on all the parenting duties at home while I traveled abroad. As we didn’t have the option of childcare, going solo was the only option for a kid-free trip. Of course, I was worried that if something happened and my kids needed me, I wouldn’t be there. Guilt is an overpowering force field that many moms deal with ad nauseam.
Ultimately, though, I didn’t want life to pass me by, leaving my bucket list unchecked. Why should I have to wait until my kids are fully grown to have an adventure of my own? Plus, who knows what my health will be like then or what other responsibilities might take precedence?
For me, on this birthday, Dolly Parton’s words rang true: “If there’s something that you need to do, want to do, can afford to do, and got the nerve to do, I think you should do it if it’s going to make you feel better about yourself.”
Wendy Altschuler
The travel itinerary was focused on my interests
The moment I arrived in Engelberg, about an hour and 15 minutes from Zurich Airport and in the heart of Switzerland, I let out an audible sigh. As someone who grew up in Montana, with nature and wildlife all around, mountains have always felt like home to me — even in a town with a different language and culture. In this small hamlet of under 5,000 residents, I could breathe again.
With a long list of things I wanted to do, I began by making my way to the famous Benedictine Monastery, built in 1120, where monks still live and work.
Next, I bundled up and took a cable car to the top of Mount Titlis in the world’s first revolving cable car where, no matter what time of year it is, there’s only one season: winter.
I walked across the highest suspension bridge in Europe; wandered through the glacier cave, illuminated and still; sat on the glacier chairlift to snap photographs; and took my place in line to go sledding at Glacier Park, where a large tourist family laughed and tossed snowballs at each other, making me painfully miss my three boys at home.
My brood would have loved to play in the snow; I had to fight back feelings of lonesomeness.
The older I get, the more obsessed I get with longevity
Using my body fully has become a priority as I age, so that was a must for this trip. The next couple of days were filled with outdoorsy escapades, where I hiked on numerous paths full of trailside cheese stands, wildflower-dotted mountainsides, and mooing cows.
I felt butterflies in my stomach on the via ferrata, a thrilling climbing route that uses fixed steel cables, ladders, and other systems to safely help you navigate steep and rocky terrain. At the top, I felt powerful and itty bitty at the same time.
The rain poured down in sheets the day I went kayaking across Trüebsee Lake, an alpine loch at the foot of Titlis mountain, high above Engelberg, reached only by cable car or intrepid foot. With the lake completely to myself, I paddled around and surveyed the clouds as they seemed to pucker and blot out the mountains. The cacophony of sound was so great that I could only hear the shower and my own thoughts.
I closed my eyes, put one hand to my heart, and smiled.
I want my kids to see me as more than just a mom
There was no guilt, no desire to justify my choices; I simply felt delighted for making the resolution to take care of myself, for carving out time to celebrate who I am as an individual, separate from my kids.
I’m a whole being, and I was one before parenthood; I have my own curiosities and aspirations, and my identity includes much more than my cherished title of “mom.”
I want my children to see that I’m an adventure-seeking human who loves traveling, moving her body in nature, and learning about other cultures and destinations because that is exactly what I want for them.
A physical reset helped me to return home invigorated and appreciative.