CAPE GIRARDEAU, Mo. (KFVS/Gray News) – A Missouri woman has one simple message about the choice she is making to end her life: ”My body, my choice, my death.”
On a beautiful afternoon in September, Gayle Hendrix enjoyed a lunch outdoors with friends. They savored not only the food and drinks but these final moments all together.
“My mom has always walked to her own beat,” Charlene Foeste said.
Foeste joined her mother and her friends that day for lunch. She doesn’t want to miss out, especially now.
“My mom and I are opposites we really are on everything,” she said. “We always have been.”
Foeste and Hendrix do not see eye to eye on a lot of things, and Hendrix’s latest decision is no different.
“You know, you don’t have to agree with people, you don’t, but you do have to love and support people,” Foeste said.
Her mother is 79 years old and won’t live to celebrate her 80th birthday.
She already knows the day she will die.
“It just feels like it’s the right thing to do,” Gayle Hendrix said.
Hendrix’s friends said she has always been an advocate, standing up for others and fighting for what’s right.
She has also spent the past 20 years hoping to bring about change and awareness on a matter important to her.
“People are not comfortable talking about death,” Hendrix said.
She got involved over the years with groups like Compassion and Choices.
She helped to advocate for legislation and awareness for those who wish to end their lives via physician-assisted death.
Hendrix said she had known for years that when the time was right, she wanted her own exit plan.
“I’ve had a great life, and I want to have some dignity when I’m going to the next phase,” Hendrix said.
About four years ago, life as she knew it changed.
“My shortness of breath kept getting worse and worse,” Hendrix said. “Even on flat surfaces, I was breathing heavy.”
The diagnosis was lupus and interstitial lung disease. She said her lung capacity keeps getting worse.
“My friends will say, ‘But you don’t look or sound or act like somebody who is near death,’ but I am dying and that’s what I want to control,” Hendrix said.
She is on an oxygen machine around the clock and is only able to walk short distances.
“I don’t want to get to the point of this is existing, not living,” Hendrix said.
Before the diagnosis, she lived an active lifestyle.
“She was always busy, always,” Foeste said.
Hendrix was raised in a small town in North Carolina and later found herself drawn to Cape Girardeau, Missouri.
The mother of two children wanted to start her career, so she put herself through college working multiple jobs.
She embarked on a career in human resources, which took her in multiple directions, including to Atlanta.
Hendrix said she missed Missouri, though, and moved back to Cape Girardeau years ago where she still lives today.
“I would love to say I was a poet, a painter and a musician. … I have nothing in that arena,” Hendrix said with a laugh. “So, I think that’s why I took up walking because I can walk. I was an avid walker, anywhere from three to five miles a day … every day up until about three years ago.”
She also took up biking.
“One day I got it in my mind I want to bike from Cape to St. Louis and touch the side of the arch,” Hendrix said. “So, I did that.”
She traveled a lot for work and took advantage of hiking trails and new adventures along the way.
“She always either had three jobs or she was going somewhere, like to concerts or festivals,” Foeste said.
Foeste said her mom took her to concerts starting at an early age, helping to develop her love of music. It’s something they have in common.
“Music is one of them for us,” Foeste said.
Hendrix wore many hats over the years. After she retired, she said she got bored and went back to work during the pandemic as a contact tracer.
She just recently retired again, just in time to start making plans for her next chapter.
“She’s a very realistic person. She’s always hit issues and problems head-on,” Foeste said.
Including the tough ones.
“It is going to be hard, but I know that, and I know sort of what to expect and what the end result is going to be for sure,” Foeste said.
In a few days, Hendrix and Foeste will fly to Switzerland, where Hendrix will end her life.
“When I started seeing more and more decline, like monthly, I can tell this is not as good as it was last month. I knew then if I wanted to do it when I’m still able to walk in and still make the trip, then I need to do it soon,” Hendrix said.
According to the group, Death with Dignity, in the United States, physician-assisted death is legal in 10 states and the District of Columbia.
All but two have residency requirements, Vermont and Oregon.
There are other rules and regulations as well, but one thing they all have in common is the patient has to have six months or less to live.
“I don’t want to wait that long,” Hendrix said. “I don’t want to get that sick.”
That’s why she chose another country. She went with Switzerland, a country where medically assisted dying has been legal since the 1940s.
She started the paperwork this spring and had hoped to make the trip in August.
“They were booked up,” Hendrix said.
So she chose Sept. 26.
“They put an IV in your arm, and the first medicine that goes through puts you to sleep. And the second one stops all body functions,” Hendrix said. “They have some kind of button on the IV. You have to be able to push that button, and that starts the fluid. In five minutes it’s done.”
After that, she will be cremated and then her remains will be shipped back to Missouri in a couple of weeks.
She said she’s not nervous.
“I’m not,” Hendrix said. “And, I was just sitting here while I was describing this thinking I sound like a clinician. I don’t sound like someone talking about my own death, but it’s because I’m so, I’m comfortable with my decision.”
Even so, she knows this is difficult for her family.
“It’s a huge loss, a huge loss for us,” Foeste said. “It’s not going to be the same. It’s just not.”
Hendrix said she has had tough conversations with friends or others who have not agreed with her or believe what she is doing is morally wrong.
“Some of them are religious and, you know, have some views, but I think because I’ve been open about it for so long around people they weren’t shocked,” Hendrix said.
In these final days, she has spent time, a lot of time, getting her affairs in order – like selling her home.
“I just want to make sure she gets everything done that she wants done and spend our time together and she doesn’t want our time together to be sad and, you know, regrets or anything like that and I’ve been trying really hard to do that,” Foeste said.
Hendrix knows she will miss out on potentially more quality living, but doesn’t want to take the chance of ending up in a hospital bed.
“I just am peaceful about my decision, and it’s the right thing for me and my body,” Hendrix said.
“I can’t say I agree with her decision, I don’t,” Foeste said. “But, it’s not my choice. I do love her and support her and there’s no way on the planet my mom is going to do this alone, no way.”
So, this mother and daughter will go together on one final journey.
“I love her and support her 100 percent, no matter what,” Foeste said. “She knows that, my kids know that, and I just wish more people were like that.”
As she said, this experience has taught her so much about compassion and unconditional love.
“It’s been hard, but I’ve been blessed to have her as my mom,” Foeste said.
Hendrix said she hopes that even if you don’t support her choices, that you take the time to talk about your final wishes with your loved ones.
She said it will make it easier on everyone when the time comes.
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